mermaid heart/wild soul




I’ve been feeling really inspired by the infamous quote of doing one the everyday that scares you. and yesterday, i wholeheartedly took that plungeby literally doing so: down the thunderslide at sandcastle waterpark in pittsburgh! I also challenged my boyfriend to do so, too, and my competitive side likes to think that he was a little bit more scared of it than I was ;) — but that’s not the point…

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how I knew it was time to give up ballet {as a career} |a draft|

|note: to be continued / completed / getting thoughts out here|

I knew it was time to let it go when a series of consistent and very serious knee injuries (torn ACLs on both, and a retorn ligament in my left knee) left me taking only half a class.

I knew it was time when I realized I was no longer feeling inspired by it anymore. The classicism of ballet had once inspired me to eat as healthy as possible, and when I’d go shopping, I’d specifically buy shirts that were off the shoulder or “ballerina cut.” At one prestigious classical ballet class I trained under for a few years, our artistic director stressed the importance of being a well educated and well read dancer, and she was always mentioning reading the literature classics. I’d set out to find the best classic authors

Back when I was younger and in my more intense days of training, I woke up in the morning feeling determined and ready to pursue my purpose for the day: getting to ballet class. Giving it my all and improving more than the day before.

There was an article that went viral online a couple months ago called “when it’s time to give up dance.” At first I thought it would be just another buzzfeed list or a silly compilation of how to figure out it’s time to quit. Instead, it was a really insightful article, and I’ll never forget the quote from that essay that stands out to me this day: “it’s time it give up dance when there is a deeper need to fulfill.”

A deeper need to fulfill. One that dancing no longer cannot.

And that so deeply resonates with me.

ballet will always be a part of who I am. It’s the basis of my spiritual being, whether I want it to be or not. It contains my childhood roots and memories. It’s the reason I learned so many life lessons so quickly at such a young age. It’s also the only form of organized structure (warming up, taking barre, center, grande allegro, then rehearsals/performing) that I ever really enjoyed, contrary to my spontaneous personality. I tend to rebel when there’s too much set routine in my life.